11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. 12 For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.
This scripture has been very strong in my understanding the last couple weeks since I heard someone preach on it. Little by little the Lord has been bringing to my attention things that I “did as a child." Ways of thinking that resulted in behaviors, many of which didn't have the most positive results, have been brought to mind that I can now “put away” as behavior that I engaged in as a child. I was reminded through that message that Our Father understands us as our human fathers do, and He expects us to be children and that He doesn't expect children to act like adults and doesn't punish us for acting like children. When we disobey as children, yes, we get taught about consequences and our choices which is called being disciplined.
Even as human fathers and mothers we focus, hopefully, on teaching our children “from their mistakes.” Mistakes and shortsightedness are two of the characteristics of children and from such failures we as parents work to help them to see what were the choices they had and why they suffered the kind of consequences they did. But sometimes children just don't have the mental equipment or emotional stability to even comprehend some of the things happening around them. And it may take time for them to grow up to really compehend some of the things that they need to learn. Until then, we as parents often are called to minimize the consequences or ramifications of behaviors in our children's lives.
So Papa, as Our Father, understands the situations we have gone through, the mind sets that we had, and our need “to grow up.” Growing up is a process...a two year old doens't become an 8 year old by an act of his will or by the teaching of a parent. A two year old may be a mature two year old...meaning he is working with the equipment he has and making decisions appropriate for his age and understanding according to how he has been taught. We don't expect him to see life the way an 8 year old or a teenager would and don't punish him when he doesn't act older than he is.
Similiarly my Father saw the things I did 30 years ago in a similar light. I don't know about some of you but I had very limited visiion 30 years ago...narrow maybe. But I did see and I did have vision and I did have divine insight and revelation. But it was that of a child in the spirit without a broad understanding of the things that were going on in the circumstances. I think of a situation in which I waited two weeks upon the Lord to write down some things a wife asked me to put on paper that we had talked about on the phone, saying she wasn't really capable to share the things I shared with her with her husband. And trusting the Lord I put together a letter with the things she and I talked about and gave it to the husband at church. It was just a full explanation of the things the wife and I had talked about regarding things going on in their lives which the wife had set really lined up with their circumstances. Little did I know or see that the husband had had a history of alcoholism and was tied in with the very spirit with which I lived with in my home. Little did I know that that spirit would react to the Word of the Lord even though I did not in any way address alcoholism or wife abuse which I was totally unaware existed in that home. I was blind, ignorant. I was also not aware that the foul spirit would be loosed to the eldership of that congregation of which the husband was a member and it would blind the eyes of the pastor and the elders, again unaware that the enemy had some ground within that group of brethren. The end result for me was 6 months of “ church discipline” because it was said that since “only God knew what was going on in their lives, Meri must be of the devil.” I had no problem with that 6 months...and sometime later ask to be relieved of that discipline and was never able to get them to lift it for reasons that it took me years to really comprehend.
Not only I was a chld...and thought like a child...but I have come to understand others were childish in their thinking and allowed demonic forces to affect them, some of which I might have actually been carrying. I carried some of the scars from that interaction for 30 years, as some of the threads that were woven into the lives of those elders that day were still affecting them 30 years later and were elders in a congregation that I was a part of. It has taken this understanding of being a child and growing up to help me to see that I have no reason to look back on the situation and feel guilty or ashamed or carry any kind of animosity towards anyone else....we were children...sometimes blind and deaf to the value of other human beings and sometimes consumed with our own importance. I think of how my own grandchildren are a bit “careless” of how they play at times and inevitablity someone gets hurt. Sometimes their mouths release things of which which have meaning they are totally unaware of. Since they have a good mom, she will work with them to help them to see the value of their siblings and how a bit of carelessness can hurt them or what the meaning of certain words are and why they aren't acceptable talk.
In the 1980's there were none of the kind of overseers or counselors that are around in my life today to help me understand what my “siblings” had done. And I am sure many of you hearing this, realize that in many ways, many of us were “orphans.” Learning to lay aside the “orphan mentality” with which we grew up, particularly as prophetic people, is one of the “demands” of maturity if we are to grow up into Christ as sons.
I am also seeing that many of us who were “children” have gone through some hard battles in the growing up process. Church splits, moves, divorce, strokes,major rejections, long term diseases, cancer, drug addiction issues in the famiily: some of these things affected not just “them” but have happened in my life also. It is my hope that others that I knew as a child have grown up in Christ through the suffering they have gone through and are facing these difficult days in this nation as a more mature son and no long a child. My effort to seek reconciliation with some has not been successful. However, I am not a child anymore and I can leave others in His hand knowing I am accountable to Him and trust others into His loving Father care. I didn't realize I had some of these things to clear up until one of the parties from thirty years ago moved back into this area and everywhere I turn I run into someone associated with that situation 30 years ago. There is therefore now no condemnation for them that are in Christ....and it is a joy to know that today I know in Whom I live and move and have my being!
Today, I am free. Sometime I'd love to be able to talk to some of the people and maybe we can laugh about our “childishness”...and see what each of us have learned. But then that is believing that each of the parties has been dealt with in the same areas as I have been. I am not childish enough today to think that has necessarily happened in each person's life which may be why effort to address the incident 30 years ago was not met with a response even though I know it was received.
We aren't all growing in the same areas. Someone said the other day that each of us has a blind spot when it comes to “ourselves.” Prophetic people are great at seeing what is happening in other people's lives, but not always able to see what is present in their own. I am not sure that isn't true of most people and especially those in the five fold ministries where there is such expectations to perform and be accurate as relates to others.
This is why whether we are little children, teenagers, or mature adults, we need accountability. We desperately need those who watch over our souls and are willing to speak into our lives when or if they see us engaging in behaviors or thinking that could bring us or others injury whether we are still children or are still being perfected in the image of Christ.
I am thankful today that my Father also meets my needs as a husband who watches over me as a wife and mother....whether He does it through my earthly husband or in other ways. I am not left alone these days....though there may be few people that I encounter in my circumstances throughout a month who are there to speak into my life. I am thankful for Holy Spirit who is my guide, my teacher, the mentor that my life was missing for years as He reveals the Father's love to me and the Lordship of Jesus Christ over my life and the world. He's my Father and I am growing in Him as a part of the corporate body of Christ that He has ordained to come forth in these last days!
Meri Ford
