Renewed Hope

 Been wanting to write a few things down for awhile now...I had a conversation with a dear friend recently who is coming out of years of abuse and alcholism and she continues to say  I don't know who I am. And in various ways refusing to claim any identity that is hers in Christ Jesus.   I knew no matter what I said, that she wasn't hearing what I said about who she is in Christ Jesus.

 I 

It got me thinking about who I am, what is my identity!  One of the things I have been much aware of is that since my broken femur and hosptial stay with rehab almost 12 months ago a whole lot of things have changed. Some of it started 12 years ago when I first read a book that introduced me to the Kingdom of God and I first began to actually understand about my identity in Christ.  It isn't something that "grows" It is..for Christ Jesus is the I AM and HE dwells in me by Holy Spirit.  He is fully formed in me. So my identity in Christ is FULL..not growing. One the other hand, I, human being, am growing in understanding of Who HE is in Me.

In 2013 my life changed when the very time the book was put in my hands. After years of a late career as a Chemical Dependency Professional, I found myself unemployed at age 68. In December and January as the year ended and a new one started, I had been encouraged to make a list of things that stirred me that were posted on social media that I sensed were about 2013. On March 13, every aspect of that list was fulfilled in the way my years as a Chemical Dependency came to an end over a 36 hours period.  It was a new season and the book the Rhema Code was waiting to introduce me to the significance of being a part of the Kingdom of God...and the identity that is mine in Him. Oh I'd heard many sermons on the Kingdom before and since...but it was this book that Holy Spirit used to reveal to me who I was in Him and I continue to learn more of who HE is in Me...beyond what I would call head knowledge.  

Life took on a whole new meaning after the end of my employment. One of the things set in place evern before my last day of work was a painting class which I attended faithfully until COVID made it difficult to gather. A whole different part of me came into focus along with some traveling that had been planned during "vacations" including a conference in Murfreesboro Tennessee. In the next year I was able to make a visit to family in South Carolina and then visit two prophetic friends in other areas of South Carolina.  None of these things were "big events" but simple times in which I was learning of who Jesus was in me and who I was in Him.  Learning how to allow HIM to be in me. 

That next year with my husband we put in a new garden and I got to have my first real garden. My husband was such a jewel doing anything he was able to facilitate what I had need of. Generally he stayed busy in his automotive shop and I would take cookies to him and the occasional person who stopped in to visit and learn from him. As I grew to know who I was in Christ and who He was in me...I learned more and more about my self and realized that it wasn't something that was happening with my husband. He lived in his world that was securely protected from any revelation of things in his past. But he was very much present with me and adored me and called me his "child bride." I was 6 years younger than he was.

There was much learning to be gained about where I fit...I realized that the almost 13 years as a Drug and Alcohol Counselor had indeed been the niche that the LORD had provided for me as I transitioned from a marriage of 20 years to an abusive alcoholic and had 2 precious daughters to the life of a single woman with two daughters.  

Three years and I dated here and there and met a man who treated me like I had not been treated,,,not fancy as we didn't do fancy. But he seemed to listen and he care about me and my children and became a part of my world while I worked become a licensed chemical dependency professional. He was a long time sober "alcoholic" and had no reservations about my line of work. We married in 2007.And we were very  comfortable together and yet I knew full well, that there was not a "spiritual connection." He knew he married a licensed minister and never put any limitations on my ministry activities which were generally minimal. But at the same time, I knew that while we were comfortable together and had great respect for each other, that what I saw and knew in the LORD by Holy Spirit would not be something I would be able to share with him. It wasn't that I was "afraid" to share as I was "free" to tell him anything and shared what I was free to share with him. The excitement of a dream or a "God thing" that happened...sometimes he listened but it wasn't a shared experience and I knew that and eventually it was OK. I had Him, and He was Peace.  

Sadly he saw the disappointment I had in dealing with my fellow Christians and seemed in some ways more understanding of the short comings of my "brethern in Christ" than at times I grasped,  :I didn't seem to have any identity amoung the brethern. Seemed some lies and half truths from 30 years ago seemed to follow me.

My precious husband died in 2023 dying  4 months after being diagnosed with lung cancer along with precious diagnosed COPD and cystic fibrosis.  He went peacefully surrounded by his friends. And that first year after we had been together for over 19 years was so busy with taking care of things in his shop and stuff on the property that a year went by without really thinking too terribly much about being single. My daughter's mother in law had lived with us for the last 5 years and so I still had someone with me and we had lunch and dinner together and I continued to serve as a "loose" caregiver to her. Life wasn't a whole lot different until August 24, 2024.

That morning about 11:30 am I took a letter out to post in the mail box and walking back I passed out in the driveway. I came to consiousness in what I call #10 pain and was able to call to Charmaine and she brought out her cell phone and we called 911. That was the beginnig