Recently I was on a forum on the internet and I was greatly pleased to hear the response of one of the leaders. It went like this: the group was invited to speak into one of the guest leaders life. A woman shared something and the guest leader's immediate response was: "Nope that doesn't fit." The main leader then without adoo said to the guest something close to, "Here we say Thank You and move on."
In the recent months I have seen more and more of my inability and that of my fellow Christians to know how to respond in love to our fellow human beings. Having some what of a prophetic bent in my life, I have tended (ha) to see things black or white, right or wrong, things fit or they don't fit. And that has always been my focus of response and interaction with other people....seeing things through my "filter of right and wrong" or some other standard by which I am measuring what someone says or does.
I was so blessed to hear Jim Mellard on the Firestorm Forum mentioned above quickly redirect response to one of the forum participants by saying, here we say "Thank you and move on!" The truth of this is, that if we quickly say NOPE, that doesn't fit, we have filtered what someone told us through our understanding most likely and not received it in a way that would allow Holy Spirit to stir something up in us beyond our understanding. Oh how we like "our own understanding."
Part of me wants to scream and say...but what if it is wrong? What if it doesn't fit? And what I am learning is that it really makes no difference whether we think something is right or wrong if we have not "received another person." To immediately respond to someone out of our own sense of "standards" is to be "impersonal" and to function as I have said many times, out of the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It may be true but it isn't Truth, for Truth Himself is loving and kind above all else "receives" the person with honor and dignity. And if I do this, I miss Truth Himself who is Love, and never receive HIm into my life to deal with whatever was said.
I quickly admit to you that this still is not always my first line of response. When my husband says something, I am quick to put in "my opinion" even before he asks for it, before I express appreciation for the fact that he has shared something with me. My focus tends to be on "what" he shares rather than focusing on the person who shared. Yet most of us know when we are talking to someone whether they 'see us' or not. Acknowledgment of ones person is something that the heart of every human being aches for and it doesn't come naturally. At the same time, I know people who put on the facade of acceptance because it is a prescribed behavior in the social field they work and that too often leaves people with a hollow feeling. I am asking the Lord to "change my heart" so that I see people as He sees them!
Recently I posted something out on Facebook and I noticed I got the same kind of response that most other people who post things of "substance" often get. Either approval or disapproval of what is said. And, yes, I tend to be guilty of same. I did get one response that was a stark disagreement of what I said and I found myself easily thanking her for sharing her opinion. It kind of tickled me because it is starting to come out without me having to process the thought...thank you Jesus.
Another interaction that I have come across lately is another thing so very similar to what I have just discussed, that messes up our relationships both with our fellow Christians and others. Have you ever considered as a Christian, what it means if you repeatedly tell someone you don't understand what they are saying after repeated effort on their part to clarify what they are saying?
Again....in this kind of response, we have first of all rejected the person who has shared something we don't understand. We have put "our understanding" above our appreciation for someone sharing something with us whether I understand it or not. And as I have come to understand human defense mechanisms, to say repeatedly, I don't understand is nothing more than a mechanism that keeps me from accepting the fact that I really don't want to seek out the understanding and can put the responsibility for explaining on someone else. Frees me from the guilt and shame of not knowing something AND blocks any sense of responsibility for seeking the Lord to gain understanding. A person can very graciously thank a person for their effort to explain something to them, and then take the responsibility of seek the Lord for understanding, especially if it is in reference to something in ones own life.
This is not the mentality of the home I grew up in or that I raised my children in. Things were right and wrong and it was so declared. And it is no wonder my son at ten years old told me one day that I was very judgemental. I so clearly hear that 30 some years later and have thanked the Lord that sometime over those years He has revealed my judgmental heart to me and invited me declare it dead and paid for and to know His heart as He reveals it by Holy Spirit in me.
You can quickly hear this kind of relationship response on any major issue before us today...the issue of the war in Gaza, same sex marriage issues, and many more. We are quick to disagree. Don't you realize MY OPINION is THE most important thing? If I were Ray Ashmore I'd have some great quip to put in here...but will have to wait for him to share one with us! The most important thing is not me or my opinion but the person to whom I am talking or who is talking to me. And that takes a work of the Lord to work in us.And it is much more than simple social skills, though they aren't too bad of a beginning any more than good manners are. It took me a long time to understand good manners were about loving those at the table and presenting myself in an "undisgusting" manner by not slopping food up off my plate with my tongue, or drooling over the food, or eating with my fingers like an animal. It isn't "law"...it is grace. It is presenting oneself in a manner that treats those at the table with you with worth and value instead of as dogs and animals...or as I often say, pigs. Now if it comes to which fork and which spoon in the right order...that might be beyond the fundamentals of the value of manners!! That is socially correctness which may not have anything to do with love. Now that was a nice rabbitt trail! 
How often would you say, that those of you who attend services and who happen to still have a pastor standing at the door after service, have told the pastor that was a "great sermon?" We love accolades and we love to give them without realizing most of what we share are traditional ways of expressing judgments. Would you ever tell your pastor that it was a "bad sermon?" NO...because that would be judgemental...yet that is just a negative on your scale of standards while "good" means someone was on the upper positive side of your standards. Is it any less judgemental? And any less impersonal? Of course not!
How hard it is for us to be personal and express our appreciation for the preaching of the Word, for the pastor, without expressing a judgement? The result of "good sermon" is to in many ways, ignore the messenger. And how quickly we kill the messenger when the message isn't to our liking? We do this because we live with the filter of our own standards and opinions in front of our eyes instead of seeing Jesus Christ and Him crucified.
The other side of this is addressing sin and error. But that is "the other side" and not pertinent to what I have mentioned here. That is left for another day and maybe another spokesperson.
May you seek the Lord for His insight and His wisdom and let his Light shine as it pertains to the things that are shared here.
Meri Ford
Meri Ford 516 Park Rd Winlock, WA 98596 360 520 4503 Blogs
