Our Words 1 Jab 24

January 24, 2014

As I have been musing lately, so many things keep coming to my awareness as to the impact of our words. While there is always the danger of getting into conflict over "words", it is by the words of our mouth that we reveal what is in our hearts (Matt. 12:34 Luke 6:45).


And it will often be that as we gain insight into the words we speak that we will gain understanding of the wickedness that lies in our heart and that will allow us the opportunity to repent and operate out of the heart of the Father.

I like the Jer. 17:9 scripture because it says the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it? 

Deceitfully..

1. Given to cheating or deceiving. 

2. Deliberately misleading; deceptive

Does it mean that I know and understand that I am being dishonest?   No, it doesn't mean that. It means that it is veiled to my understanding. This might be made more clear by the following illustration.

I think, I feel, I act.

My thoughts stir up my feelings

My feelings energize my will

My will is what activates behavior, choices, decision.

My will is the CEO of my soul/self.  We are made in such a way that I don't do anything I don't want to do. It is impossible. Whatever I do, I made a choice at some time to do. Choice=want to. Want to=act of will. Which is why it is so important that we learn to let the Lord reveal to us our heart condition so that we can begin to operate out of the "new heart" that he said he would give us "in Christ Jesus."  

So deep in the "heart" of man is a desire to protect oneself from any kind of inquiry or perceived threat from another person, maybe coming from ones childhood experience.  So if this is what a person has "chosen" for whatever reason at the time it was the way of thinking about a situation that created comfortable feelings that confirmed the behavior/choice/act of the will.

The mind's job is to continue to protect that will's choice. So if down the road that behavior choice/act of the will begins to have some uncomfortable feelings with it but the person isn't about to change his will...the MIND which is servant of the will, will alter reality so there are comfortable feelings that allow the decision to continue to be made.

There are the following mechanisms the mind uses to protect us from the negative consequences of our own choices.

1. Simple Denial: which means just plainly saying I didn't do something, or that something is not so. I am not an alcoholic. I get to laughing when I hear the ongoing tales of the mayor of a big Canadian metropolitan city of the consequences of his alcohol and drug use. I am not an alcoholic...he continues to profess.   Simple denial frees me from having to accept responsibility to change.

2. Minimizing: Admits to some of the behavior but in such a way that it appears less serious than it is. It usually involves a comparison such as I am not as bad as I was. I saw Joe and he's a lot worse than I am. I don't do that very often. I often think of minimizing in some way of "scaling" the seriousness. And in this aspect I am always better than someone else, so I don't seem as "bad."

3. Blame:  Blame will own the behavior that is in question, but the responsibility for it lies with someone or something else.  Yes, I got drunk but I got home and found she had cleaned my house out when she moved out, so I drank that 1/2 gallon.   Blame frees us from the uncomfortable feelings that would lead me to see the need for change.

4. Rationalizing, offering alibis, excuses, justifications or ..this is the most common, explanations for the behavior. As with blaming the  behavior or choice isn't denied, only the reason for it. I have learned I have the wonderful ability to explain away almost any behavior I don't want to change. Somehow my "reasoning" never got me anywhere with my mother!

5. Intellectualizing: Here we avoid emotional or personal awareness of the behavior or problem by dealing with it on a level of generalization, intellectual analysis or theorizing. One of the great explanations is "I've always been this way."  Or that's the way I learned it. Another is spending much time analyzing ones behavior, there by never having to change. Great exploration into the past and family history can be such a form of intellectualization and avoidance of the choice to change.

6. Diversion: The most common is the simple way of changing the subject to avoid a topic that is threatening. But in relationships another way we engage in this form of denial and deception is when someone accuses us or challenges us, such as You are fat, we might "turn it around" and point to them and say, Yeah, but look at you...you are so sloppy...(changes the focus to another off of the subject which would allow me to change.)

7. Humor: This wonderful technique of denial makes anything uncomfortable into a joke, or the person makes a joke so as to not address the uncomfortable behavior or subject. The person who engages in humor is often the most entrenched in the behavior and least likely to change because humor is so socially acceptable and the rewards of humor are often gratifying.

8.Repression: Hold back, holding in...not responding at all which ultimately may lead to "cup full and overflowing" syndrome which gets pretty ugly.

It becomes quite easy now to understand why the role of the mind is so foremost throughout the understanding of our relationship with the Lord.  Until we are "willing" to change our minds about our behaviors, our behaviors won't change.  And we are to be renewed in "the spirit of our mind." It takes the work of the Spirit of God working through our human spirit, to even make us aware that our CHOICES have negative consequences that are destroying our lives, operating separately from the power of the Lord Himself.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds (Ephesians 4:22-23).

and

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God" (Colossians 3:1-3).

These scriptures reinforce the fact that we have to be "willing" to change our minds....to choose from the old way of thinking which we grew up having to choosing the "mind of Christ."

Further we know that God works in us the will and the desire to do His will. ( Phil. 2:13)   

Today as I was breakfasting with friends, I heard a "denial phrase" from one of the friends that I have heard him use before. It was an "intellectualization" form in which he shut the door to making any changes in the way he responds to life by saying " I don't analyze things." Of course he does, but remembering that this is a "denial mechanism", I also learned that to respond to a denial comment is total foolishness. For a person who is in denial will deny that they are in denial (using one of those 8 mechanisms of the mind to protect their choices).  Which is one of the biggest issues we have when dealing with addictions and any other of entrenched behavior.  

It is useless to confront denial for that reason, and if you do be prepared to have some kind of conflict on your hand that will most likely be unfruitful.  And when we come to understand our own denial, we will learn how more effectively to love those who engage in such behaviors, knowing that we are totally unaware where we are using denial ourselves!!

So what is the point of all this? How then do we deal with denial? If I am in denial, how do I recognize it?   I won't. I can't. It takes the revelation of the the Spirit of God to let me "feel" the uncomfortableness of my choices before I will be energized to change, make the decision to change my thinking. This is why Paul says...Don't be as the Gentiles who are past feeling. ( Eph 4:19.)

As a counselor, I found that treating a person with worth and value, seeing them as the Lord sees them, extending that brotherhood to a person who is in denial, even as the Lord extends his hand of brotherhood to me is the one thing that begins to break down the insecurity that breeds all denial.  Some would say, The fear of death is what keeps us in bondage.  (Heb. 2:15)  What overcomes fear? The love of God.

The good news of Jesus Christ is the message of reconciliation to the God who is Love through Jesus Christ.  And that is NOW, and when we begin to live and operate in the NOW, living out of the heavenly relationship which IS OURS, we will see supernatural changes in other people's lives...but to as many who love their evil ways, this message will be hated but to others, it will be the message of deliverance.

Likewise, this is the message which changes us! Our own insecurities and discomforts and the places we are "stuck" will only be changed as the Light of the Love of God penetrates the inner man where we are still in darkness and bondage. Without the Light, without Truth shining, we are left in the darkness of the mind that protects our deceitfully wicked heart. It is unable to be fixed!  God comes in to show us that He has a new heart for us, a new mind and His spirit frees us to "see" what we can't see in the darkness of our minds.

May the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ so fill your mouth that the atmosphere is changed whereever you go.

Meri